I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
