just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
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