She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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