a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Boobs speak an international language.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
