The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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