I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Randomize
