Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Randomize
