had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
