So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
