I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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