Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
