She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Naked. naked and bneed help.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
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