So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Randomize
