Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
His nipple licking is glorious
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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