Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Randomize
