shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
