What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
