Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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