Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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