How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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