she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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