I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize
