I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Randomize
