Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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