I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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