Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
