You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
