I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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