plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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