Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(630): View more from Illinois

Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.

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(925): View more from California

First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.

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(847): View more from Illinois

You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head

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(+44): View more from United Kingdom

I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.

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These 19 Men’s Fashion Mistakes are Unforgivable, According to Women
Read it at the TFLN blog
(303): View more from Colorado

She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.

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(216): View more from Ohio

Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.

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(612): View more from Minnesota

Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.

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(919): View more from North Carolina

sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"

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(630): View more from Illinois

YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE

(1-630): View more from Illinois

Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.

(630): View more from Illinois

you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed

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