The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)