Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
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he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
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He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.