Tell her she can't have a vagina
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Everclear isn't food dammit
Randomize
