dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
21 Embarrassing Stories From Adults Who’ve Crapped Their Pants
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
21 People Confess What It’s Really Like At An Orgy
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.