i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
17 Women That Lost Condoms Up Their Lady Parts
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
23 People Confess The Most F*cked Up Thing Guests Have Done In Their House
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.