the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Randomize
