I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
