I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
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