im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
