What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
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I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
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A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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