i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Randomize
