I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
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I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
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