im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
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