so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
