When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Randomize
