thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize