Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Randomize
