I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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