I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
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He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
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When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
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