i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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