In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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