Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
