I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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