i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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