i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
