69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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