After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
