guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
