Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Randomize
