No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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