atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Houston, we have a squirter
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
You may now shotgun with the bride
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Randomize
