Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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