I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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