Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Randomize
