You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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