Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
