smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
